Baby Boy Starting School
In just 7 days my first baby will start school. It’s just starting to really hit me. I’ve been saying confidently for the last 6 months whenever I’m asked if I think I’ll cry, or how I feel about it, that I’ll be fine. I’ve known this was coming since before he was born. Upon confirming my pregnancy with him I got my Learners Permit because “one day I’ll need to drive baby to school”. (though, the school part is coming true, the driving hasn’t – but I’m working on it!) So I’ve been preparing for this moment for a while now and I’ve thought I’ll be fine.
Yet, as this day approaches, I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about my little man’s life. My pregnancy, his birth, him being a tiny newborn, a baby and then a joyful toddler and now an incredibly funny, smart, friendly, kind-hearted, inquisitive, cool child. He is a cool kid – and I have heard this from people who aren’t as totally bias as me. He was also the prettiest baby boy, he was the kind of pretty that meant up until the age of 3 he was constantly mistaken for a girl no matter what he wore because I think people just associate that kind of angelic beauty with girls. Though once he got moving he was obviously “such a boy”. He was fearless to the point of being frightening (to me) at how he approached everything. He was the kid that needed a “back pack harness” because he had zero sense of self preservation.
I was always quite proud of him as a baby, the way people responded to him, the way people would say to me “he really is a beautiful baby”, I remember when a friend said that to me and my response was to gush “I know!” and she gave me a funny look and said “Most people say ‘thank you’”. But I didn’t take it as a compliment to me, I didn’t make him the way he is, he did that, it’s all him. In those earlier days I was very proud of my beautiful baby. When he walked before 9 months I thought that was the peak of ‘proudness’. But I can’t get over how proud I am of him, probably obnoxiously so to my friends and family. What he says, what he does, the way he treats his sister so fairly and with so much understanding. She adores him, to the point that she drives him bonkers, she often wants to be practically on top of him while he plays, and while there are many moments with him shouting “leave me alone Katelyn” “Go away katelyn” “NOOOOOO KATELYN!” as there are just as many where I hear him speak to her in a soft voice asking her if she wants something, if she wants to play, if she’d like to share, if he can cuddle her, or tickle her belly, or hold her hand. Yes, I’m bragging. But I never knew how proud I could be of the actions of another person until I met my son.
And I’m proud not in a “proud of myself” way, I give him full credit for being who he is, I’m not proud in a competitive way, I think he’s awesome because I think he’s awesome, not in comparison to anyone (or anyone else’s 5 year old) I’m not proud in a way that I see no fault in him, he doesn’t always listen, or do as he’s asked, or make sensible choices, he often forgets to say please and thank you, he gets stroppy and sometimes is outright rude, but he IS still 5, he’s still learning, and I’ve never met a perfect adult, so I definitely don’t expect perfection from my child.
I’m grateful for all the “extra” time I’ve spent with him while moving house, because we moved at the start of November Jasper’s not been at preschool for nearly 3 months, and I was nervous about having him at home with me full time, without a break, but getting close to the day where he’ll be going to school 5 days a week, I’m more nervous how I’ll manage without him. I think I’ll miss him. I know Katelyn will miss him. I’m not worried about how he’ll cope at school, he’ll be fine. He’ll make friends, he’ll charm the teachers, he loves learning, he’ll probably talk too much in class and struggle to sit still at times, but overall, he’ll be fine.
But I think I’m going to cry.