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But I Want Another Baby

1538938_10201576502278588_1262459012_nBut I Want Another Baby

Watching the kids playing at the park, our big boy helped his little sister up on to the swing while I got the sit back and enjoy the sun, enjoy watching them play, I started thinking how nice is this. She’s getting bigger, more independent, more reasonable, better at communicating her wants and needs, she’s feeding less, sleeping more, needing less and doing more for herself.  Isn’t it nice, not have a baby?

And little voice deep inside me says ” But I want another baby.

We’re making plans for the future, excitedly discussing the possibilities of overnight sleepovers for both kids at grandma’s house, so we can go out, go away, reconnect, have space and time to ourselves occasionally. Wouldn’t it be great to find ourselves and each other?

But that little voice keeps on saying “But I want another baby”

We sold the cot, the change table, and monitor. We gave away the baby clothes and toys. We don’t need them any more. Because we’re not having another baby.

But I want another baby.

We talk about my career, my future, me getting the opportunity to do more and be more, I know I’m not “just a mum” but I want to be something else as well. Another baby doesn’t fit those plans.

But I want another baby.

One day we’ll be buy a house, for that house we’ll need a mortgage, for that mortgage I’ll need to be working, for me to be working we can’t have another baby.

But I want another baby.

Our family is perfect for us. The kids are happy. They get along so well. We have two children and two parents, that’s perfect for us. We can watch one each when we go out, cuddle one each at bed time, stay with one each if there’s an emergency, crossing the road one can hold each of my hands, when they both want me there’s two sides of me to snuggle into. Another baby wouldn’t fit.

But I want another baby.

I don’t even want another baby! Babies are hard work. Pregnancy is hard work. Birthing is hard work. I don’t want to breastfeed another infant for another 2-3 years, I’m nearly done. Littlest one will wean in the next year, she’ll talk, she’ll use the toilet, she’ll start going to daycare, she’ll not be a baby and I won’t have a baby any more! When she was little I’d often remind myself “this will pass” and it nearly has, I don’t want to go back there, with both children I’ve had morning sickness, long labours, non-sleepers, both babies have come with me to see psychologists when things were right in me, I don’t WANT another baby.

But I still want another baby.

About Rachel Stewart

Rachel is the founder of Parenting Central Australia. She is raising two children, boy and girl, with her partner.She has a background in early childhood education, but right now is content to be a stay at home mum.She is passionate about birthing rights, breastfeeding and mental health. She enjoys crafting, drinking coffee (sometimes wine) and spending a little too much time on Facebook.

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3 comments

  1. Kate Fenerty

    Amen… please keep all babies away from me so I can stay strong! 😉

  2. Parenting Central Australia

    Exactly. This has been made worse by snuggles with my best friends beautiful little boy. Because that little voice tells the sweetest lies about how easy it all really was and how we’ll just make it work – but no! I don’t actually want another baby.. Even if I want another baby.

  3. Sorry i have such a wonderfull little baby. he’s only 5 months old and his goregousness is making me clucky again. dispite the voice of reason saying 2 under 18 months is a stupid idea. pregnancy sucked, labour sucked, breast feeding wasnt exactly fun either. but yes, i also want another baby…