Future Me’s Problem
As parents, we all have those moments where we look up, and see all the shit that we have to do. So much shit to do. Will it ever end?
No. It won’t.
Washing the clothes. The floors need to be cleaned. People in the house need to be fed. Some people need cuddles. The pantry needs to be a pantry, and not just something you throw groceries into. Some people need to be reminded of toilet breaks. Beds need to be made. Ironing, that never freaking ends. Toys need to be saved from monsters, otherwise they will cry…according to your son. Toilets that have to be bleached. Shit on the floor needs to be put away. People need to be fed (apparently), every 15 minutes.
No honestly, tell me. When will this shit end?
But then I look at all this stuff, and I say to myself……Maybe I can do that tomorrow. Or the next day. I might leave all this stuff for the moment. It’s now…….
FUTURE KELLYS PROBLEM.
It’s her ‘IN’ pile now.
She can do it. She is better at it than me anyway.
I call this FUTURE KELLYS PROBLEMS……because, it is……………..eventually.
This particular post is about how I try to be Mother of the Year, with my kids food and how I cook for him. I like to think of some healthy and interesting food to give my son, as we all do. I get all ‘Jamie Oliver’ on the recipes at the start, and forget about ‘future Kelly’ (I am Kelly, by the way….just to clarify and not get you confused halfway through this read).
PAST KELLY is the effortless Mother of the Year.
FUTURE KELLY IS the one that has to clean up all the freaking mess! (Don’t eff with future Kelly….she is a bitch).
Mother of the Year Moment: How about for dinner tonight we have…….some veggies with chicken and wholemeal couscous!! Yes! Because I get extra points for the wholemeal part. I will be strutting my stuff when I catch up with my mothers group next…..”I cook wholemeal couscous for my kid. Not that normal shit. Nope, not me. Wholemeal is what I do. Because I am so healthy and blah, blah, blah.”
Future Kelly’s problem: WTF!! What is this grainy, impossible shit to clean up?? It’s like cleaning up liquid mercury mixed with rock salt. Who invented couscous??!! The wholemeal part means NOTHING!! Stop being such a try-hard mother, Past Kelly!
Mother of the Year Moment: Hmmm. I am going to make my son some homemade healthy icecreams. Yes! I have some fruit that is going a bit too ripe, so I might blend it up with some yummy greek full fat yoghurt. Oh what the hey……..I might even take a photo and put it up on facebook. Everyone is going to comment and love me. It might even spark a new trend in the world…let’s see. My kid is going to love these for a treat. Such an awesome parent, I am.
Future Kelly’s problem: The only place you will be eating that stuff is…..OUTSIDE! Don’t put that sticky crap on my furniture. Are you done yet? Good. I will hose you off. Don’t touch anything!! Whose idea was this? Who?? Damn that stupid Past Kelly who was trying to be so bloody impressive. And damn everyone that puts stupid food photos up on facebook!
Mother of the Year Moment: Oh look (while I wear my ironed blouse, crisp white apron and have my hair up, because I HAD TIME), I found some mixed coloured rice in the health food section. It has brown and black rice, plus some chia seeds and some other sort of power food. It is Gluten Free. Dairy free. Egg free. Nut free. Dog Hair Free. And 100% Taste Free. Wow! Must be super healthy. I am happy to pay $70 for it. I am so good at mothering.
Future Kelly’s problem: Rice??!! Shittttttt!! Why, Kelly? Why? Do you know this shit sticks to EVERRRRRYYYYTHINGGGGG!! Do you remember how hard this stuff is to clean up with a dustpan and broom? DO YOU?? Obviously not. It’s like tiny little maggots on your floor, and every time you see one you scream, “Ahhh! I have maggots. Oh wait. It’s just rice. But it still looks like maggots! Damn you, Past Kelly!”.
Mother of the Year Moment: Awwwwww, my baby has been so good today. I might give him a treat of chocolate. Obviously, dark chocolate. Because that is the only way these days. Look at me, everyone. I am so great at this job. My kid only eats dark chocolate…….because I am having one of those ‘parent moments’ where everything normal (like milk chocolate), I used to eat as a kid, is now poison.
Future Kelly’s problem: Holy Shit Balls! Is that poo? Reeve!! What is on your face? What have you been doing? (sniff, sniff)….PHEW!! It’s only chocolate. Who gave you that? Me? I don’t remember doing that. That must have been your other mother, who thought she was King of the World.
Mother of the Year Moment: I might give my son………Jelly, quinoa, yoghurt without a spoon, papadums, sultanas, spaghetti, anything that makes a horrible mess. Because I don’t have to clean it up, right now. It’s not my problem, right now.
Future Kelly’s problem: Aaaaarrrgggghhhh!!!!! UP YOURS PAST KELLY! I will punch you one day. Think, before you do. Dickhead!
I might even make a series of this post, because there are so many things I leave up to ‘her’.
Sooooo, does anyone else out there think like this when you are giving you your kid food that seems like a good idea? Do you blame it on your PAST self? Do you push stuff aside and leave it up to your FUTURE self? I can’t wait to hear any comments below.
p.s. Every single time I give Reeve some rice to eat, I find it the next day scattered over the floor. And EVERY SINGLE TIME, I scream because I think we have maggots. Every. Single. Time. You would think I would have remembered, but nope.