I’m A Good Mum
I was having a bit of a brag this morning about how good my kids are. And they are. I’m entirely biased, but I’ve also been told a few times in the last couple of weeks by various people (friends, one of my kid’s classroom teacher, their after school care teacher) that they are great kids.
I always feel the need to back up any talk about how good my kids are by insisting that it’s them. It’s all them. It’s just their personality. I didn’t make them good kids with my fabulous parenting. They just are who they are. They are kind, well behaved, funny, smart, and generally pretty polite (they might just need some prompting on the “please” and “thank you”s.) But they’re just good kids.
And I do think they have to get most of the credit for being the people that they are. But with nature vs nurture I’m sure that at least a little bit of their awesomeness has to have come from our parenting. Surely?
I mean, they weren’t born with a great sense of humor and a deep love of Queen.
Nobody Is Perfect
I’m not perfect – and neither are my kids. Nobody one on this planet is perfect. But our greatness comes from our differences. Our flaws make us interesting. Our unique set of strengths and weaknesses are part of what makes us who we are – and what make us human.
And I get that sharing our shortcomings and failures can be such an effective bonding experience. It can be a relief to say them outloud and hear that other people feel inadequate too. I get why sharing a #parentingfail can sometimes be a little easier to share – and hear – than a parenting win. Also I’m a big fan of mediocre parenting.
While I do have some pretty massive gaps in my self esteem. I have body image issues that I know I need to work on. And I often feel like I’m am a terrible friend. And my insecurities about my writing can freeze me for weeks (which is why I have barely published anything in the last couple of months.)
But there is one thing I know for sure, without any doubt; I am a good mum.
It’s Not A Competition
I get that there is a bit of a push back against what could be perceived as bragging for bragging sake. And there’s a lot of negative attitude towards “Pinterest mums” and “Insta-mums”. Or another term that comes to mind is “Sanctimommies”. But I just hate this idea that when a mother is proud of herself, and proud of the mother that she is, that by default she must be putting down other mothers.
The thing is though – we are not in competition with each other.
If I’m thinking that I’m a great mum that doesn’t mean I think that I’m a better mum than someone else. It just means that I think that I’m rocking it right now. That feeling has nothing to do with anyone else. Or their parenting.
Just like when I tell my friends that they are good mums I’m not saying it’s because I think I’m shit compared to them. I just thought they should know that I think they’re awesome too.
I’m A Good Mum – And So Are You
I wish it was more okay to be proud of yourself and your kids. It’s okay to love doing activities with your kids. Or making things for them. Or even having a clean house. It’s totally fine. Just like it’s okay to not do those things – because that also doesn’t mean you’re bad!
Doing the opposite of what makes me a good mum doesn’t make you a bad one. We’re just different.
I’m not perfect. I could list my shortcomings. I’m disorganised, inconsistent, I can be too permissive, and I spend too much time on devices (while telling them to get off theirs!)
But, I love my kids. I like spending time with them. I like doing things with them – and for them. And they’re becoming incredibly cool people and I like to think that maybe, just maybe, I had a little something to do with that.