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How to Always Be Running Late

Running late is something I feel I’m pretty qualified to give advice on. It’s something I’m skilled at, I have plenty of experience, I really know how to make this happen. So I thought I’d share some advice on how you too can be running late everywhere you go.

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Have children

I know that’s pretty obvious first step. Children are just great at causing delays. They won’t get dressed, they refuse to eat their breakfast, they can be generally uncooperative and somehow someone always needs to poop (be it in the toilet or their pants). This works better the more children you have, especially with toddlers who’ve just learned the power of the word “NO!”

Don’t plan ahead

This is very important. Don’t work out how long it would take you to get to your destination – actually it’s best if you don’t really know exactly where you’re going before you leave, that way you’ll spend plenty of time getting lost, or checking out what route to take. Also where applicable don’t work out where you will park on arrival – driving around in circles looking for a parking area can add several minutes or more to your estimated time of arrival.

Don’t be prepared

Make sure you don’t start packing a nappy bag, snacks, drinks and loading the car for you outing right up until the last minute. Don’t be tempted to lay out clothes for the day either. Just hope they aren’t in the wash when you go to get everyone dressed.

Keep your time margins super tight

If you happen to already know how long it’ll take you to get to your destination it’s a good idea to plan to leave at the exact minute that if there’s absolutely no traffic or delays on route you should arrive just on time. Especially when your toddler turns into a planking octopus every time you try to put them in their car seat.

carseat

Under estimate how long everything will take

You need to be somewhere in an hour, it’ll take half an hour to get there, so you have plenty of time to quickly wash some dishes, vacuum and hang out some washing and heck, you might still have time to pop on the kettle and have a cuppa…

Turn on the TV

Ideally your children’s favourite show, and turn the volume up; they’ll be so distracted they won’t hear you remind them to put their clothes on and eat their breakfast.

Start shouting

The more stressed you get the more likely your children will respond in kind, this means more tantrums, more resistance and the later you will be.

Quickly check ONE thing Facebook, Twitter, emails etc

(No further explanation needed.)

Don’t keep essential items in a convenient place

So when it comes time to go, you’ll spend several minutes looking for things like your wallet, phone, glasses and keys.

Make it a surprise

Give your children no warning whatsoever that you’re about to leave. Just announce “We’re leaving now!” and if that doesn’t work, go back to step 7.

Don’t take a breath

If you relax, step back and slow it down, you might find you don’t have a reason to rush around and that if you just calm down a bit, you might still be late, but you might be a little bit less late than if you stay in a frantic state.

Or you could try doing the opposite, if being on time is your thing…

 

About Rachel Stewart

Rachel is the founder of Parenting Central Australia. She is raising two children, boy and girl, with her partner.

She has a background in early childhood education, but right now is content to be a stay at home mum.

She is passionate about birthing rights, breastfeeding and mental health. She enjoys crafting, drinking coffee (sometimes wine) and spending a little too much time on Facebook.

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19 comments

  1. HAHHAHAHAAHHAHHAHA! I LOVE this because that’s pretty much exactly what I assumed all my “late” friends were doing on a regular basis (but would never admit it). GOLD!

  2. HAHHAHAHAAHHAHHAHA! I LOVE this because that’s pretty much exactly what I assumed all my “late” friends were doing on a regular basis (but would never admit it). GOLD!

  3. HAHHAHAHAAHHAHHAHA! I LOVE this because that’s pretty much exactly what I assumed all my “late” friends were doing on a regular basis (but would never admit it). GOLD!

  4. Melissa Sorini

    I am crushing on this so hard. And I’m an early bird!

  5. I’m an obsessive planner and organiser, I work out the best route, figure out the parking, pre-pack bags and yet we STILL run late all the freaking time! Bloody kids!!

  6. I’m an obsessive planner and organiser, I work out the best route, figure out the parking, pre-pack bags and yet we STILL run late all the freaking time! Bloody kids!!

  7. I’m an obsessive planner and organiser, I work out the best route, figure out the parking, pre-pack bags and yet we STILL run late all the freaking time! Bloody kids!!

  8. I love this, it’s exactly what happens to me, I’m my own worst enemy sometimes! Especially with the keys!!! I never learn!!!

    • My partner put a key hook up for me and then constantly reminds me to put my key on the hook. But I have multiple handbags and then several other places I randomly drop stuff (bench, desk, dresser, bookshelf etc) plus what “walks off” in small hands. So yeah – things can be ANYWHERE! It’s hopeless.

  9. I love this, it’s exactly what happens to me, I’m my own worst enemy sometimes! Especially with the keys!!! I never learn!!!

  10. I love this, it’s exactly what happens to me, I’m my own worst enemy sometimes! Especially with the keys!!! I never learn!!!

  11. My partner put a key hook up for me and then constantly reminds me to put my key on the hook. But I have multiple handbags and then several other places I randomly drop stuff (bench, desk, dresser, bookshelf etc) plus what “walks off” in small hands. So yeah – things can be ANYWHERE! It’s hopeless.

  12. My partner put a key hook up for me and then constantly reminds me to put my key on the hook. But I have multiple handbags and then several other places I randomly drop stuff (bench, desk, dresser, bookshelf etc) plus what “walks off” in small hands. So yeah – things can be ANYWHERE! It’s hopeless.

  13. Oh yes to all of the above, especially my classic mistake of ALWAYS underestimating how long things actually take. But really, all you need to run late are kids. x

  14. Oh yes to all of the above, especially my classic mistake of ALWAYS underestimating how long things actually take. But really, all you need to run late are kids. x

  15. Oh yes to all of the above, especially my classic mistake of ALWAYS underestimating how long things actually take. But really, all you need to run late are kids. x