I Just Can’t Get Enough Sleep
I want to tell you something. I feel like you will understand, even if you aren’t in the same boat. Why? Because what I want to tell you relates to a desire that we all have. Something we all want. It’s something we hunger for, yearn for and yes, we need it. And no matter what I do, I just don’t seem to be able to get enough of it.
Honestly, we all experience times where we desperately want and/or need it and rarely do we ever seem satisfied with the amount we get. Personally, I just can’t get enough! I have friends who get way more of it than I do and I admit, I have a hard time hiding my jealousy. I mean, I don’t begrudge them. I’m happy they get as much as they do, don’t get me wrong. I just have that ever-present and uncontrollable streak of resentment whenever they talk about how much they’re getting- why can’t it be me? I mean, I know at least some of the reasons I don’t get more of it. For example, I have kids. They kinda cut into that precious time reserved for it, you know? Some of my friends who are getting heaps of it don’t have children, but others actually do and they still seem to squeeze more of it into their average week than I did as a carefree 19 year old.
I actually look back at those years, in my late teens and early twenties, and kick myself for all the times I could have had as much of it as I wanted. Why didn’t I take advantage then? If only I had known then what I know now- that the days of being able to get as much of it as you wanted, whenever you wanted it, were finite. At this stage in my life, it feels like I will never have that luxury again. I’ll be stuck in this never ending cycle where I can’t get enough, no matter how hard I try.
I’ve also noticed something worrying. I don’t know if it’s an age thing or a lifestyle thing, but sometimes, when I get the opportunity to have some, I just can’t. I lie there, between the sheets, in a state of dread because I know the time is NOW and it’s ticking away but my mind just won’t co-operate. I sometimes just can’t get it in the right gear for the magic to happen.
As mentioned, it’s easy to see why I don’t get enough of it. I’m a parent. But I’m also a person who works odd hours. My hours mean I’m in bed at odd times and being a parent goes hand in hand with being constantly interrupted at often the least suitable times. Even having the kids at school and daycare is no guarantee though. So often, I’m tucked into bed between shifts, fully aware that that my time is trickling away like the proverbial sands through the hourglass.
Instead of getting into it while I have the opportunity, my contrary brain will decide to fixate on something random and probably unsolvable. I once knew someone with a similar problem who would be completely distracted by string theory. I remember nodding sympathetically, then scouring the internet for some sort of idiot’s guide to string theory. I found one, read it and was none the wiser. Physics is not what absorbs me. My preoccupations are far less profound and far less intellectual. The most recent instance involved some deep pondering over the type of hairspray Russell Brand might have used back in his big-hair phase. It would have to be vegan and cruelty free. Are all hair sprays vegan? This train of thought went on for some time, getting more and more convoluted.
I have even tried one of those hypnosis videos on YouTube. Honestly, there is a video for every ailment on there! The one I tried? It’s supposed to lull you right into the appropriate mind frame. It’s supposed to have these special sound waves that do something to your brainwaves. Or the other way around. I can’t remember. I don’t really know and in a more rational state, as I am now, I can tell you that it’s most likely garbage. At the time, however, when I was desperate for the state of mind required, I figured it was worth a shot. Instead I was treated to half an hour of rain forest sounds spliced with dolphin songs and a strangely accented voice as background to my increasing concerns over the possible styling products used by a celebrity.
One thing I’ve often wondered is why we can’t sort of just bank it, you know? Like, on a day when all the conditions come together- time, opportunity, desire- we should just be able to hop into bed or wherever and get as much as possible in that day. Like, really go all out. Go at it for a few hours in bed, then maybe have a snack or something. Then maybe a couple more hours of it on the couch. I have a friend who swears by doing it on the floor, says it’s great for her back. Do it for as long as you can, wherever you feel comfortable. I remember this one time, before we got married, my husband and I had this lovely picnic at a park over in Rose Bay. The grass was so soft under our picnic rug that we just did it right then and there for a good hour.
But it just doesn’t work that way, you know? It’s like our own physiology is against us here. It just won’t let us bank sleep. Instead, we are meant to get our 6-8 hours a day, every single day. Who can possibly manage that?? Sometimes 8 hours is 2 days worth!
Have you got a favourite method of getting more?