To all the parents out there,
You’re doing great!
It does not matter how you came to be parents, all that matters is that you are.
I don’t care one bit if your child or children were planned, or not, as long as you love them.
Some people love being pregnant, others don’t, that’s cool, the only person who has to be okay with how your little people came to be, Is you.
Breast vs Bottle? Puree, Baby lead weaning, extended breastfeeding, vegan, vegetarian, meat and 3 vege, or help yourself, are you feeding your kid? Yes? AWESOME!
Being asked “Will you have another baby?” may fill you with warm fuzzy memories of little flutters, of imagining what they will be like, baby shopping and picking names. Or it may fill you with dread, feeling like “Why the hell would I willingly subject myself to that again?” or the heartbreak of wishing that you could. Either way, it’s nobody else’s business, and whatever your reaction, it’s yours, nobody else’s, and it is totally valid.
I don’t really even care if you don’t like your kid’s sometimes, tiny dictators are hard work; as long as you show them the love they deserve, your doing alright.
A mum and a dad, single parent, blended family, two mums, two dads, grandparents, aunt and uncle, or friends (or any of a million possible dynamics) however you slice your particular family pizza it’s still a family, it’s still love
There is so much negativity around how we should all be raising our children. most “advice” is not helpful. Most of it is designed to make us feel like failures for not being shiny perfect porcelain glitter rainbow people 100% of the time. This image of the perfect family, parent and in particular mothers, is not realistic and it seems to me is doing far more harm than good.
When it comes to my experiences from pregnancy onward I am very willing to talk about it honestly and openly. I did not have great experiences with pregnancy, birth and feeding and I am not ashamed of that.
Unfortunately though, a lot of women are. We are taught that bringing children into the world is the most beautiful, natural and rewarding thing we, as women, could possibly experience. and we should be striving to do it with a smile. the whole awkward, uncomfortable, painful, and sometimes even degrading lot.
We are taught to hold back how we actually feel when asked a simple question like “How are you feeling?” You would think that would actually invite some genuine interest or concern, more often than not however, if you answer with anything more than “I’m fine thanks” they don’t actually care, or worse, look at you like you should be dancing a joyous jig rather than lamenting at not being able to see your own feet.
No, less than shiny, is not good enough.
Except that it is.
Less than shiny is actually doable. For everyone.
It is about time we all just hop off the bandwagon for a bit, take a look at our families and ask ourselves if it really matters that the family down the street doesn’t eat wheat, or the one across the road has a yard full of noisy dirty kids all the time, or that shock horror, your 2 year old isn’t toilet trained yet.
If you love your family, and your actually okay your life, then what other people think doesn’t matter.
Stop letting the happy rainbow stories we share to hide the exhaustion we actually feel get you down.
For the most part they are not the truth, at least not the whole truth, most people don’t post about the long sleepless nights, the insanity of teething babies, poop smeared into everything and the reality of a nappy exploding on your partner’s side of the bed after they go to work, and anything more than popping a clean nappy on bubs and crawling right back into bed and just avoiding the wet patch that you have managed to cover with a towel you grabbed off the floor for a few hours, is entirely beyond you some days.
The big lesson is that I know best for my family, no one else. And I will stand up for anyone’s right to safely parent however best suits their family.