I think I might be having a bit of a “Quarter Life Crisis”. (though that’s very optimistic to call is a “quarter” life crisis, it’s probably closer to a “third” but…. moving on… )
I’ve been feeling flat, unmotivated, lost, bored, lonely and uneasy.
I have a constant “There’s something I should be doing” feeling. But even when have things I SHOULD be doing, I often don’t have the energy to do them.
I’m no more tired than usual (I do exist in a constant start of moderate to severe sleep deprivation, but that’s nothing new). I’m not depressed, I don’t have anxiety; I’m fine. I’m very fine. I’m loads and loads of fine. But, that’s about it. I’m fine. Not great, not good, not anything really, just fine.
I don’t know how to shake this feeling though. I don’t like it. It’s not me. I’m usually a happy, enthusiastic and energetic person. But this seems to have started up a couple of weeks ago, I’ve been feeling like the mission of each day was just to get to the end of it; nothing more – nothing less. Just keeping everything ticking over; get through the laundry, wash the dishes, feed the children and so on.
Still with lots of positive interactions and happy moments! Nothing is “wrong”. I’ve been checking in with myself regularly, I am actually “fine”.
I keep thinking I need a project to work on – but anything I think of doing feels like it’s too hard, either physically or mentally. I haven’t been sewing much lately, I’ve stopped knitting and crocheting, when these are the things that usually give me not just a creative outlet but they show I’ve been doing something with my time.
I guess that’s part of the feeling – I don’t feel like I’m using my time for anything valuable. Obviously I KNOW that the raising of small people IS incredibly valuable and I AM grateful to be a stay at home mum and to have all this time with them, but I just feel like I’m missing something. Something else I’m meant to be doing.
I’ve tried studying, but sleep deprivation means my brain simply cannot process information like it used to. It really sucks. I used to think I was an intelligent person and I would like to hope that I could be again with some regular and reasonable sleep, but quality sleep isn’t in my foreseeable future.
I occasionally think about working, but it’s not what is best for our family at this time. And I am genuinely grateful to be able to be a stay at home mum, but maybe that’s part of the feeling also – every time there’s a bill that causes us stress I just feel useless because I can’t help or contribute. But we are actually fine without me working.
I feel like I need to change something, do something, make something, learn something, have something else that I do or look forward to. I just don’t know what it is! But something has to change, because I’m sick of this feeling!
Is it possible I’m having a quarter life crisis?!?! Or am I just tired?
I don’t know. I just don’t know.
Has anyone else have this feeling? How do you shake yourself out of it? Was there something you needed to change?