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The most embarrassing things about being pregnant

Uncomfortable pregnant woman in bed

The most embarrassing things about being pregnant

Pregnancy is lovely! You’re growing a tiny human inside you! You’re glowing with maternal love and joy! It’s all sunshine and roses and riding off into the sunset to the sound of 120 piece symphony orchestra.

Oh, wait no. That’s not at all how it works.

So I thought just for fun I’d share with you the highlights (low lights) of the best (most embarrassing, but humourous in retrospect) things that happened during my pregnancies.

Constipation

You know what’s just the most fun about having constipation when you’re pregnant is you have limited options when it comes to how you can treat it. Unfortunately it’s really something to talk to your doctor or pharmacist about. Sorry.

Vomiting

Oh vomiting. I have absolutely without doubt fulfilled my vomiting quota to get me through a lifetime without ever vomiting ever again (unfortunately that’s really not how it works). The absolute funniest thing about vomiting was when I was on anti-nausea medication that did exactly that – it took away the nausea! Huzzah! It didn’t always stop the vomiting though. So without the nausea to warn me I had the glorious experience of thinking I needed to cough and instead vomiting into my hands. From then I learn to cough or clear my throat over a sink, toilet, or in desperate moments, pot plants.

Fainting

It went like this *hmm, I feel a bit hot… and dizzy… I need to sit down… oh crap everything is getting dark and horizontal and I’m not sure which way is up anymore……………….. why am I on the floor and everyone is staring at me*.

Flatulence

When my partner and I had been living together for about a year, completely unprompted my partner turned to me and said “You never fart!?” His expression was puzzled and also amazed at this sudden realisation of my lack of gas…. let’s just say he no longer under any illusions about me being a non-farting magician. In the beginning it was bad enough that every time I farted – loudly – he’d laugh and ask “WHAT WAS THAT?!” in mock horror… it was worse as time went on when he didn’t even bat an eyelid.

Squeezing my legs together to sneeze

It’s funny how that automatic action doesn’t draw any attention from the uninitiated, but anyone who’s been there, and done that, knows EXACTLY what you’re doing and WHY. One time I sneezed while sitting cross legged on the couch – let’s just say that is not a mistake a person makes twice.

Sweat

One time walking (waddling) to hospital for an appointment on a hot day I was sweating so badly that rivers of sweat were running into my eyes. Despite constantly wiping my forehead and eyes I couldn’t see… and it really stung! So. So Gross.

Bleeding after sex – and panicking about it

The actual bleeding wasn’t that embarrassing, because it happened a few hours after the event, but what was embarrassing was calling the hospital in a bit of a tizz and the midwife calmly asking had I had sex in the last 24 hours? Um… actually… yeah…. How did she know?!?

Crying

About things. About all the things. About things you shouldn’t cry about. Then crying because you’re so embarrassed that you’re crying about something you shouldn’t be crying about, which leads to crying because your crying about being embarrassed about crying. Then crying because there’s no way to explain that to someone who is now quite worried about you crying… because you’re crying…

Baby Brain

One time at work I noticed a magnet had come off the fridge so I bent down and picked it up and put it back on the fridge… but it fell straight off. So I bent down and picked it up and stuck it back on the fridge… but it fell down again. So I bent down and picked up and stuck it back on the fridge AGAIN and it fell straight back down to the floor AGAIN and at that point a coworker who’d been watching me said “Hey, baby brain!” and that’s when I realised I was trying to stick the magnet to the cupboard next to the fridge.

Confusing gas with labour pains

Come on… surely I’m not the only one who has thought “Oh, what’s that…. it’s a cramp… it’s a radiating cramp…. it’s lasting about a minute… is this it!? Has labour started? Should I pack my bags?!” *BBRRRPPFFT* Nope. Nevermind. False alarm.

Hemorrhoids

Everyone goes on and on about how you might poop while pushing out a baby and NOBODY tells you about hemorrhoids. You have to find that one out for yourself.

What was the most embarrassing thing that happened during your pregnancy?

 

About Rachel Stewart

Rachel is the founder of Parenting Central Australia. She is raising two children, boy and girl, with her partner.

She has a background in early childhood education, but right now is content to be a stay at home mum.

She is passionate about birthing rights, breastfeeding and mental health. She enjoys crafting, drinking coffee (sometimes wine) and spending a little too much time on Facebook.

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8 comments

  1. love it! ah baby brain…. i got to the point at work, that if i was leaving the room (except when i had to pee, could never forget that), i had to tell some one exactly why, because as soon as the the door closed behind me, i would have to turn around and go ask them why i had left the room in the first place. like, i would go to ask my boss something, and as soon as i entered the office i would have no clue why i was there. good thing my boss was a women who had had a few kids herself. so i was just a bit funny rather than an absolutely incompetant fool.
    Peeing every 5 minutes was fun too. if we had to go over a speed bump, from about 7 months on, i just got out of the car and walked past it to avoid wetting myself 😛
    and so much vomiting. vomiting everywhere. could not be in the house with food cooking, vomit time. going past the meat isle at the super market, immediate running to nearest bathroom to power spew. have breakfast, vomit, have more breakfast, so i didn’t vomit…. pretty much the same for every meal. the whole freaking pregnancy. constanly eating icy poles, to stop me vomiting.
    xmas lunch very early on, had been constipated for 10 days. had to run to the loo with a bucket. was there nearly an hour, crying, cousins i hadn’t seen for years left it was so awkward.
    P.S. vegemite toast tastes exactly the same coming up as it did going down, it’s safe spew food.

  2. love it! ah baby brain…. i got to the point at work, that if i was leaving the room (except when i had to pee, could never forget that), i had to tell some one exactly why, because as soon as the the door closed behind me, i would have to turn around and go ask them why i had left the room in the first place. like, i would go to ask my boss something, and as soon as i entered the office i would have no clue why i was there. good thing my boss was a women who had had a few kids herself. so i was just a bit funny rather than an absolutely incompetant fool.
    Peeing every 5 minutes was fun too. if we had to go over a speed bump, from about 7 months on, i just got out of the car and walked past it to avoid wetting myself 😛
    and so much vomiting. vomiting everywhere. could not be in the house with food cooking, vomit time. going past the meat isle at the super market, immediate running to nearest bathroom to power spew. have breakfast, vomit, have more breakfast, so i didn’t vomit…. pretty much the same for every meal. the whole freaking pregnancy. constanly eating icy poles, to stop me vomiting.
    xmas lunch very early on, had been constipated for 10 days. had to run to the loo with a bucket. was there nearly an hour, crying, cousins i hadn’t seen for years left it was so awkward.
    P.S. vegemite toast tastes exactly the same coming up as it did going down, it’s safe spew food.

  3. Hannah Shaw

    Probably peeing a bit when I sneezed ?

  4. Melissa Kelsey

    Either forgetting absolutely everything or having to run out of many a supermarket to spew

  5. Melissa Jake Ramsden

    Melanie Beith follow this page

  6. Merindah Differ

    Scratching my boobs in public.