So, a couple of days ago someone told me something that had been said about me that wasn’t very nice. Actually, it was pretty horrible. Also extremely unfair and simply untrue.
Nonetheless, it was said. It was told from one person to another person and then that other person told me.
And to be totally honest my unprepared instant reaction was to say “Oh she can just f*** off.”
And for people who know me, that might also provide some context as to how unfavourable what had been said about me was, because I rarely swear and I’m almost never angry. But this just pressed all my buttons, by both feeding into my deepest insecurities, while also being just some pretty unpleasant gossip.
Once I’d had a moment to collect myself I felt a little bad about my reaction, I wish I hadn’t said that about her in response, because, it wasn’t said for me to hear.
And it’s really none of my business what that person thinks of me.
Or what anyone thinks of me.
I spend WAY too much time worrying about what other people think of me. It’s something that can paralyse me in my day to day life. I stressed about how other people interpret my actions. I re-run conversations while I’m trying to fall asleep. I imagine my best and closest friends gossiping about me. I feel physically sick sometimes when I think about what other people think of me.
And it’s interesting that when presented with someone having allegedly said exactly what I am most afraid of people thinking of me, I instantly know that is just not true.
I don’t want to be too specific, because really I should never have known what was said. It wasn’t intended for me to hear. It wasn’t that other person’s place to tell me.
Had they asked; had they said “Hey, would you like to know the nasty thing that such-and-such said about you?” I think I would have said, “No, I’d rather not. Thanks.”
But I wasn’t given that option. And unfortunately once I know something I can’t un-know it.
And the complicated thing is the person who told me about it was venting to me about it because she was pissed off on my behalf, and she wouldn’t have wanted to repeat what was said to anyone else, so she vented to me and in doing so – she made it my problem.
But it was never my problem.
To be clear this wasn’t something like “Hey, maybe you should be aware of this to mend some bridges” or something possibly helpful. The thing that was said about me wasn’t true and didn’t affect the person who said it even if it was true.
But hey, that’s what she thinks of me. Which is 100% her issue. And 0% mine.
It’s funny how much that realisation has been liberating. You’d think you’re worst fears coming true would feel different. But instead it’s really not a problem.
I know who I am. I know what I’m about. I know my own motivations. I don’t need to know what I look like from the sidelines.
So, don’t worry about what other people think of you – just worry about what you think of you.
Have you ever heard something about you that you weren’t meant to hear? How did it make you feel?