So, a couple of days ago someone told me something that had been said about me that wasn’t very nice. Actually, it was pretty horrible. Also extremely unfair and simply untrue.
Nonetheless, it was said. It was told from one person to another person and then that other person told me.
And to be totally honest my unprepared reaction was to say “Oh she can just f*** off.” to the gossiper who shared that information with me.
And for people who know me, that might also provide some context as to how unfavourable what had been said about me was, because I rarely swear and I’m almost never angry. But this just pressed all my buttons, by both feeding into my deepest insecurities, while also being just some pretty unpleasant gossip.
Once I’d had a moment to collect myself I felt a little bad about my reaction, I wish I hadn’t said that about her in response, because, it wasn’t said for me to hear.
And it’s really none of my business what that person thinks of me.
Or what anyone thinks of me.
It’s Just None Of My Business
I spend WAY too much time worrying about what other people think of me. It’s something that can paralyse me in my day to day life. I stressed about how other people interpret my actions. I re-run conversations while I’m trying to fall asleep. I imagine my best and closest friends gossiping about me. I feel physically sick sometimes when I think about what other people think of me.
And it’s interesting that when presented with someone having allegedly said exactly what I am most afraid of people thinking of me, I instantly know that is just not true.
I don’t want to be too specific, because really I should never have known what was said. It wasn’t intended for me to hear. It wasn’t that other person’s place to tell me.
Had they asked; had they said “Hey, would you like to know the nasty thing that such-and-such said about you?” I think I would have said, “No, I’d rather not. Thanks.”
But I wasn’t given that option. And unfortunately once I know something I can’t un-know it.
And the person who told me wasn’t sharing the information to be mean spirited. She was angry FOR me about what had been said ABOUT me, and so she was venting TO me about what had been said.
But by doing so she took something that was her problem – ie, being angry at this person who talking about me badly behind my back – and made it my problem.
It was never my problem. I didn’t need to know what had been said that wasn’t intended for me to hear.
Though it’s funny how much that realisation has been liberating. You’d think you’re worst fears coming true would feel different. But instead it’s really not a problem.
I know who I am. I know what I’m about. I know my own motivations. I don’t need to know what I look like from the sidelines.
So, don’t worry about what other people think of you – just worry about what you think of you.
Have you ever heard something about you that you weren’t meant to hear? How did it make you feel?