Making Friends As a Mum
In a previous life, before I had children, I was a confident modern woman. I actually asked my partner out on our first date, I didn’t fret about the outcome or if I said the wrong thing, I was happy to be me and figured someone would either like me as I am or they wouldn’t, no playing games, no waiting by phones, no fuss, no drama, no fear. Just ask. Whats the worst they can say? No? Nothing ventured – nothing gained.
Now I have a wonderful partner of 6 years, I’ve been a mother for 4 years and I still don’t know how to “pick up” other mothers. To be clear, what I mean by “pick up” is to ask a casual acquaintance if maybe they would like to swap numbers, and catch up some time with our children.
You see, there’s this mum whose child goes to the same preschool as my son, in a younger room, we both have babies at home and she lives across the road from me. We frequently pass each other on the way to drop off our older kids – we talk casually, all pleasant “hi, how are you?” “how’s the baby” “uh, this weather is terrible!”/”how great is this weather!” and so on. We’ve had brief conversations about baby products we used and have compared how much our babies weighed at birth, all just light conversations. It feels a little like “Mummy Flirting”.
The other day I came home after a brief chat with this mum on the way to collect my son and told my partner that the other mum had noticed and commented that I’d lost weight (which I have, but mainly because I’ve had a horrible gastro bug), he laughed and said “well that’s a pick up line! You’re in!”
I’ve been trying to come up with elaborate ways to could casually invite her out for a coffee, I’d noticed her baby looks a little too heavy for the baby carrier she is using and thought maybe I could offer to lend her one of my more supportive carriers, but I really can’t part with any of the carriers I have, so I thought well maybe I could buy a spare carrier just to have something to lend her and I could invite her over to show and offer her this carrier and just casually put on a kettle – then I realised that’s a bit crazy. Then I thought maybe I could organised some kind of preschool parents social event and I could invite her to the preschool parents social event so its not as personal as me saying “hey would you like to have coffee with me some time?” – again… crazy… I’ve even thought about maybe popping a note in her letterbox, but that might be a bit stalkerish.
What I really need to do is just wait until I see her next and say – “hey, I just met you and this is crazy, but here’s my number, so call me, maybe? (so we could grab a coffee sometime and our kids could play together)”
I really have no idea how I would actually go about inviting her out for a coffee or play date with our children, but surely I can’t be the only one who doesn’t know how this is supposed to be done? Do you “make” friends, or do friendships just happen organically? And more importantly, I barely know this person, why would I care so much about what she thinks of me that I’d be so freaked out by the idea of paying her the compliment that I think she seems like a nice person and that we might have enough in common to maybe hang out some times. What’s the worst she can say? No?!
*NOTE* If I do actually find a way to initiate some kind of play date, and we become friends, and I mention I have a website, and you come onto this website and read this post and realise it’s about you, I hope this doesn’t come across weird.