Bryce’s Birth Story
My name is Krystle, I’m 26 years old, and mother to an amazing 8 month old little boy! My birth story is not what i expected or ever hoped it to be, but is still the most awe inspiring experience of my life. The thing is the birth of my son was rather uneventful, it is more the story of my journey that I wish to tell you, of where I was to where I am today, My journey to motherhood.
My husband and I fell pregnant 5 months after we married, unexpectedly and unplanned. We were thrilled, we had both wanted a family and were excited to become parents. We immediately went shopping for nursery items and I dreamed of the mother I would be. There was absolutely no question in my mind that i would give birth naturally and i would breastfeed and motherhood would come naturally.
Pregnancy flowed along smoothly, and we found out my brother and his partner were also expecting just 10 weeks after us, again we were very excited. My baby shower was the day before mothers day 2012, i was 30 weeks pregnant and felt amazing. Then on mothers day came the horrid news that my brothers cancer had returned aggressively and the prognosis was grim. I was shattered, suddenly i was faced with the prospect of losing my 24 year old brother and having a baby. It just wasnt fair. My brother had surgery to remove a large mass from his lung 3 days before my due date. Noone knew if the surgery would be a success. I waited all day for the news of my brothers surgery and also tried to prepare myself for the possibility of going into labour any moment.
Thankfully the surgery was a success and although the tumour had been removed the recovery and road ahead was to be long and tough. So then there I was, 3 days overdue and sitting on the couch with my pregnant sister in law watching my brother in so much pain pondering what sort of future any of us could expect.
A week overdue and my obstetrician is concerned, Im a small girl, I only weigh 46kg and they knew my baby was big. My baby wasnt engaged and the braxton hicks were way too irregular and weak to give any indication they may be mild contractions. I went into hospital on friday the 27th of July for a check with the prospect of induction or cesarean. Once it was found i wasnt dilated AT ALL or engaged, my somewhat completely inconsiderate obstetrician ” reccommended a caesarean” due to a large baby not engaged at term. So with the fear of god instilled in my heart by the recent events with my brother I accepted. My son was born via C section at 1157 am on friday the 27th of July, the day the olympic games opened. It was the most precious minute of my life. He weighed 3.86 kilograms, was 50cm long and had a 38 cm head circumference… He was absolutely perfect and I loved him to the point i though my heart would burst. But I still felt a little like i had failed… There was no transition, my baby probably wasnt ready, I was pregnant and then i wasnt. The end.
I struggled with that for quite a while, i tried to remind myself how lucky i was to have such a beautiful little boy who was healthy and it didn’t matter how he entered the world, and honestly that is the complete truth. It was my perfectionism that wouldn’t let me accept that and ultimately what led to my spiral into post natal depression.
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I have experienced two births and both were total shit. I agreed to the second bub with the hubby thinking that “they” (you know as in “they say that….”) were right in that the second one was quicker and less painful than the first, which was excruciating. If someone had handed me a loaded gun I would have pulled the trigger to stop the pain. Both times. Did I mention the midwife called me a drama queen??