Ants In A Vacuum Cleaner
(Kind of like Snakes On A Plane…)
A few years ago I was doing a little bit of housework while babywearing with my baby girl in a carrier on my back.
I turned on the upright vacuum cleaner and as I started to work on the living room floor two bullants dropped out of the vacuum onto the carpet.
How odd, I thought. I had vacuumed up a single bullant a few days before…just one… it must have survived being sucked in and sent for a friend…
Then another ant appeared.
Oh shit. There’s a dozen of them.
At this point my bemusement at the multiplying ant turned to panic and I ran to get a can of insect spray.
I raced back – utterly grateful that my baby was on my back, not sitting on the carpet when the ants started spewing out of the vacuum cleaner.
I started spraying continuously at the ants as they staggered forward. While the poison slowed them down and made their movements jerky – They. Just. Kept. Coming.
Like a zombie plague of ants.
I was barefoot and the perimeter of ants was widening. And these are not teeny little house ants. These were big enough that I could see their pincers. These ants look bitey.
And just when it seemed like things could not get worse a great big black queen ant FLEW OUT OF THE VACUUM CLEANER.
… That was my “nope” threshold.
Phone, keys, wallet – out the door.
Again, thankful that baby was already on my back when the ant volcano erupted or she’d have been left fending for herself back at the house.
I walked around the block trying to work out what to do next. Is moving out an option? Do we really need to go into the living room ever again? Would leaving the state be an overreaction?
I waited about half an hour – hoping the half a can of insect spray I emptied onto them had done it’s job.
I crept back into the house. Baby still happily carried on my back. The ants were thankfully confined to the living room and they were mostly dead.
I counted the curled up black bodies on my carpet.
60… There were 60 of them.
I located the queen ant on the living room wall and after gathering my courage I slowly made my way towards her with the trusty bug spray and doused her too. She fell behind the couch. Dead… Hopefully…
I was then faced with a new dilemma.
What do I do about the mess from the ant massacre on my floor?!?
I really have no choice but to vacuum them up again!
BUT this time I emptied it’s contents in the outside bin, being sure to tap out every last fleck of dust and dirt that an ant might be hiding in.
And just to be sure I sprayed the inside of the vacuum cleaner with bug spray. I was not going to take ANY chances.
Moral of the story:
- Don’t ever – EVER – vacuum up an ant. (And if you do, make sure it’s dead first!)
- Housework is dangerous.
- BABYWEARING FOR THE WIN!