Wanting a Caesarian
Just like everyone else I have an idea of how I want the birth of my first child to go. I am happy in a hospital, being pumped full of drugs and trusting that the people around me know what they are doing. In an ideal world, I would be having an elective caesarian.
As I missed out on being covered by my private health insurance for pregnancy and birth by two weeks and have to go through the public system, this is not an option for me.
I have been categorized as a high risk pregnancy at 25 years old due to a myriad of things, including family history, my BMI and existing health problems involving my back and hips that have meant i have increasing trouble even standing up without assistance as my pregnancy progresses. However, I have been very rudely informed whenever I bring up wanting an elective caesarian, that I just can’t have one, even though I have also been told I will probably need an emergency C-section when I do go into labour.
Aside from the medical reasons I would like a C-section, I have a few personal/mental ones as well. I am a planner and I don’t cope well when things are outside a schedule. If I get to 40 weeks and there is still no baby, I’m going to get stressed and likely end up breaking out in Eczema all over my body. I can’t imagine that being an optimal environment for Baby!
The people closest to me get it, they know exactly what I’m like and don’t want to experience crazy pants me just as much as I don’t want to be crazy pants me, however, with my slight OCD, I feel this is inevitable if don’t fight for what I feel I need for my own sanity.
Just like everyone else I want my baby to be delivered in as calm and stress free environment as possible. I want to be able to look forward to this experience with positivity and welcome anticipation, not stress and fear.
I am all for the drugs, give me the drugs! I figure I’ve been a good girl my whole life, I can have the drugs now. They are pain killer’s not party drugs and the less pain I am in, the less stressed out I’ll be and therefore the better off Baby will be. I have nothing to prove! Just because I am a woman, and women have been giving birth without pain meds since the beginning of human existence, and animals don’t get pain relief, doesn’t mean I can’t have it. It’s available for a reason. And that reason is labour sucks!
I have been told I should at least try. That it’s better for the baby if I use as little interference as possible during labour. The message that’s being forced on me is that not only can I do this naturally, but I should and I’m failing as a woman and mother if I don’t.
Now, I am not saying I don’t think woman should give it a go all naturally if they want to. The point I am making here is choice. I don’t feel like I have a choice in how my baby will come into the world. I feel like I’m going into this blind. Hospital policy states that I need to go into labour naturally unless I go over 40 weeks and I have to at least try for a natural birth first, even though I’ll probably have a c-section anyway. But once I pass the 40 week mark again I won’t have a choice, I’ll need to be induced, have been warned of the high likelihood of needing to use forceps or other devices to deliver, which I don’t want and likely have a caesarean anyway.
So if I get my way I have a stress free, scheduled birth on a particular day and can plan life around that and be happy. If not, I’ll get to stress and panic, be in excess pain, with a high likelihood of failure and an emergency surgery anyway. While the end result is the same, the journey to get there is not. With the risk of feeling like a big failure through not being able to do something I didn’t want to do anyway. I don’t need the “I am woman hear me roar” (in excruciating pain as I push a person out of myself!), Instead I just want to get it over with and enjoy the experience as much as I can. I’m good without that.